my tot, her fears, & my fears

by mari

Toddler Girl on warehouse steps looking out window

It became one of those days. I thought we’d run a couple of simple, boring errands this afternoon. Birdie, of course, didn’t see it that way.

I wanted to swing by Whole Foods and stock up on my allergy-free favorites, and then head over to my much-neglected studio in the warehouse district of Minneapolis. My art studio that I have so little time for now, that I’m actually subletting again (now it’s 2 renters, with the vague notion that I’ll stop by now and then). We only needed to peek in for a nanosecond to check on key copies. All I had to do was get up 5 stories of the old warehouse – with Birdie, go into the studio for 30 seconds – with Birdie, and then go back down – with Birdie. I was hoping to use the old freight elevator because Birdie’s stair-climbing skills are sturdy but slow (you can see her skills in the image above). And my Birdie-carrying arms are not sturdy at all.

It’s fitting that I’d just read tots her age start to exhibit irrational fears. Can you guess? No more freight elevators for us. Not even a kooky one (like ours) that reminds me of every cool 80’s New York movie ever (see the image below, with Birdie at a more manageable age). Nope. She screamed like a banshee. She clung like she was drowning. Tears spurted faster than I’ve ever seen them. And we hadn’t even entered the elevator yet.

It forcibly reminded me that I deserve help. That I’m a working mom – albeit at home – and my time is valuable. These errands were supposed to occur before naptime so I’d still have time to catch up on work when we returned and she slept (that didn’t happen either). Each day I attempt to match my workload to her sleep schedule. Which leaves me with no time for error, and no time for myself. I’ve been feeling behind since, well, since January or so. It amazes me how long it took for me to realize the problem, between friends quiet insistence and Birdie’s not-so-subtle reminders. So a couple of weeks ago I started interviewing nannies. And today? I hired a woman I am knock-me-down excited about.

It’s too bad she wasn’t with us when I had to lug Birdie up 5 flights of stairs.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Lora Madjar November 2, 2010 at 8:45 am

oh, how quickly they change, don’t they:) congrats on the nanny – mama needs her time too:)


2 Miz Big November 2, 2010 at 9:12 am

Thanks Lora! I’d actually figured bringing her to the studio would be easier yesterday because she’s older. WRONG! (though once we got there she happily played with a box of bottle caps for 5 whole minutes! LOL)


3 Helen November 2, 2010 at 5:12 pm

Our kids have been with us in the studio maybe 6 times total, and that’s only if we are both there so one can run the errand while the other tries to limit potential damage… I fondly remember the days when I thought they’d be there alongside us- that ended, let’s see, when Amelia started crawling. I’m hopeful that in a year or two it could be a possibility, maybe. Huge congrats on the new hire, you so so so much deserve it!


4 Miz Big November 2, 2010 at 7:56 pm

LOL, yep, I think Birdie’s crawling stage was when I gave up that dream too!


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