this is forty

by mari

Turning 40 years old - Motherhood and age - Moms in Real Life | Small for Big

Today I turn forty. I’ve been working hard for the last 6 months to feel good about that number. I didn’t think it would be as hard as it is to turn the big four oh. I remember how excited I was to turn 30, it was an amazing year and I was proud to finally feel like my age. Maybe that’s the problem. Being 30 is that time when you finally feel like an adult, and yet you’re still “young”. I was finally in graduate school doing what I wanted to do, and I got married a month after my 30th birthday. It was a golden whirlwind of a thirtieth year.

But Forty. Well, things are really good. I love my family. I love my job. I still love this blog. We’re pretty comfortable in our life, and we’re looking forward to buying a new house within the next year (fingers crossed).  I’ve started a new business that I’m pretty excited about. But none of it hits those huge milestones like I did when I was turning 30. That’s the difference: it’s time to find my satisfaction in all the little golden things that make my life good.

I feel a list coming on.

Now that I am 40:

  1. I will continue to wear pigtails and enjoy them, regardless of my age.
  2. I’m suddenly willing to wear shorts again. Because who gives a damn if someone sees my cellulite and stretch marks? I’ve finally learned that we all have them – and more importantly, no one else is really looking or caring.
  3. I will stop judging others by their age, and I hope they will do the same for me.
  4. I will try even harder to breathe in all the little moments with my girl, because she’s growing older too and it scares me so.
  5. I will be happy with our one child, if a second pregnancy never appears.
  6. I might actually finally possibly maybe get a tattoo.
  7. I’m actually enjoying the new gray hairs appearing all over my head – I just wish they weren’t so wiry. I’m praying I get my grandma’s hair – which was still salt and blonde and brown and longer than mine until the day she died.
  8. I will enjoy those wrinkles, and try very hard to look at each new one and remember that it came out of amazing experiences and a happy life. (and it’s crazy how new wrinkles just APPEAR out of nowhere ladies, no one tells you that! Overnight!)
  9. I will try harder to find patience and forgiveness – isn’t that what age and wisdom is all about?
  10. I will try harder to do yoga regularly.
  11. Everything has two sides, two points of view, a ying and a yang. I will work to remember that, always.
  12. I will try harder to stop worrying about the foods I can’t eat, and enjoy the amazing, healthy foods I can eat.
  13. I will remember that shopping and money have little to do with happiness and fulfillment. (this one is so hard for me in practice, I wish I knew why)
  14. My life will never be balanced. But it will continually readjust and work towards balance, and then back out of balance, as all the different balls in the air take their turn. And that’s ok.
  15. I will work harder to be friendly with everyone I meet in a day, not just the people I know and love.
  16. I will make things just for the process of making them once in awhile –  rather than for my business, my family, or even for me.
  17. I am beginning to understand why older generations always say they don’t feel their age. I certainly don’t “feel” forty. So screw it, I’m going to feel like me, and let that number just be an annoyance, a passing nuisance.
  18. I’m going to love Monday mornings and Wednesday afternoons as much as Friday nights.
  19. I’m going to revel in going to bed before 10:30, and stop pretending that I still enjoy staying up late. Sometimes I even go to bed at 8:00.
  20. I will keep jumping in bouncy castles because – hell, I don’t need a reason. Just because.

{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }

1 Esther July 16, 2015 at 11:38 pm

Beautiful! Love your list. Keeping some points in mind.


2 Miz Big July 17, 2015 at 8:54 am

Thanks Esther!


3 Gaby July 19, 2015 at 8:21 pm

Happy Birthday, Mari! That’s the attitude ;) (I’ll take notes). Enjoy everything in your life! <3


4 mari July 20, 2015 at 1:49 pm

Thanks Gaby – I’m doing my best!


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